Well, it's officially a new year! 2013! People have made their resolutions, kissed their loved ones, and have great hopes for a new year. Well, I would love to say I have made resolutions, I have kissed all my loved ones, and have great hopes for a healthy new year...but I haven't made any resolutions on purpose, am not with all of my loved ones (many of whom have passed), and have had great hopes for a few years that never came to fruition (well, if I am being honest and accurate, I have had MY idea of great hope for a new year). So, where does that leave me?
Well, I have been considering what my mother used to say (with a mix of Greek and English words) each year around this time..."If you can't look at your passed year and examine the ways you have been stretched and have grown or perhaps even failed, then maybe the experiences (good or bad) did not benefit you as they ought to have or were intended to." Since she passed away when I was only 21, I hadn't yet had enough life experience under my belt to understand what she was hoping I would grasp from that statement. But I do now!
As I look back on some of the past few years, I can honestly say they have been some of the most painful, difficult years of my life for a myriad of reasons, and for reasons that perhaps only God, me and my precious man will ever only fully know. Things I never dreamed would occur in my life...have occurred...and in no small way, the greatest fears from early in life came true, chronic health issues, financial surprises, and dreams shelved just to name a few. I only share these because it brings me to the point of this blog today...on the first day of 2013 - and that is this...NO MATTER WHAT, God will be glorified with or without my cooperation...and because He is who He says He is, I have great hope! I have seen God change me and stretch me through His grace and mercy in ways I would have never allowed myself to be stretched were it up to me. And, I am so glad He did! His grace in my life, every day and every moment, has altered how I see Him, myself, and others to such a degree that though there have been opportunities for what the world might deem justified anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness, by His grace, I feel none. I may at times still experience sadness, but I know in that too, I am more able to identify with His sufferings and His sadness over a fallen world. No. It doesn't feel good to feel sad, but it does feel right NOT to feel bitter and angry because of His grace.
When I graduated high school, I recall praying what I now realize was a very dangerous and risky prayer...but I meant it with my whole heart. There were three components to it and if you could just stop laughing long enough through the first two, you may find the last one interesting because it set a course for my life I have never regretted, regardless of how painful. I first prayed that God would release me from the bondage to hairspray. Yep, I said hairspray. Remember, it was the 80s! Cut me some slack! I felt I had become distracted with having to control every one of my curly hairs when curly hair was not so in vogue. The second one was that I would, after years of urging from my sweet mother, ease up on the application of cakey makeup - feel free to query my friends from high school if you wonder. I was not your natural mid-western beauty, but a dark harsh specimen of femininity doing the best I could with what God had given me. The third one truly surprises me. I honestly have no idea where I had the maturity back then to pray in this way, but by His grace, I did. I asked God to allow and do in my life whatever it took to mature me as a believer and follower of Christ. NO JOKE! How this one fits with the others...I am just not so sure, but there you have it. Interestingly enough, I didn't have to wait long for the maturation process to begin, and it began severely. My second year in college...my mother passed away, a long story in and of itself. Suffice it to say, losing a loved one, especially a mother and best friend, forced me to determine if I truly believed what I had always thought I believed...And so began a life long journey...
So, why do I bother sharing these somewhat embarrassing prayers of mine from back in the day? Well, I imagine it is because I have watched my life take turns I never anticipated, experienced things I wish I hadn't, and felt pain I never welcomed with open arms, and through it all...year after year...He has NEVER left my side. He has NEVER failed me. He has NEVER forsaken me. He has ALWAYS provided. He has ALWAYS loved me. He has ALWAYS watched over me. AND best of all He has NEVER left me just as He first found me. Being 45 I can say that through the years and with absolute certainty even when I have refused to recognize it, or for that matter like it, His mercy and grace through unexpected and unpleasant circumstances always deepened my walk with Him, taught me to trust Him more, and ushered me into a deeper level of faith I hadn't thought possible. Along the way and on many occasions, I was also blessed to see the miraculous. I've been beyond blessed with a mate who has such a gift of faith that even when I faltered and feared, proving myself to be weak and weary, he has always showed me by his example how to keep persevering in faithfulness (not perfection) and taught me that it is possible because of grace to continue loving, serving and giving first to our family then to others through the most difficult of times.
Difficulty, suffering, trials and hardship are not necessarily signs of failure. Though, I suppose it depends on how you define success. If defined as the American dream or even sometimes how some religious/churched folk define it, you may feel discouragement, discontentment, and perhaps even despair. But what if like Laura's Song says, these circumstances allowed in your life are merely mercies in disguise? What if? I have heard many people in person, via social media, and even tonight on TV when the ball dropped in Times Square say how it had been a trying and difficult year they were eager to put behind them. Why? Well, probably because like most people I know they want to feel good, avoiding any pain and discomfort. And yet, if we put the year behind us without remembering what we were intended to learn from the events of the preceding 365 days, well, personally, I would consider it a wasted year. Our question at a year's end ought not be why? But rather, maybe we would do better to ask ourselves what did God show us of Himself, what did He teach us, and what did He intend for us to learn? That is where growth and maturity begin - in the kind of self-evaluation that does not end in discouragement but in increased teachability and greater awareness of our deep NEED for His saving grace and daily mercies. These questions help us gain a heavenly perspective and enable us to see all things working together for our good because we love Him...even if they're painful. They help us to recognize that there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven (Ecc. 3:1-8).
Like many others I have found myself labeling my years. Funny thing is, the label has been the same for the past seven years - FAITH. It all started when while praying with a friend. I prayed for greater faith and the ability to BELIEVE God, not just in God. I wanted that unshakeable kind of faith. Watch out! Guess what it takes for most of us to develop unshakeable faith? It often takes shakeable circumstances, and generally speaking, unpleasant, unwanted, and uncomfortable circumstances. God's delivered in answering and continues to answer that prayer. My faith has grown. His faithfulness is ever more evident. And yet...I know I have a long way to go.
As a family we have learned to define a successful year somewhat in these terms: To love God, submitting to and being found faithful in what He has called us to be and do regardless of circumstances, and to continue to love and serve those He places in our midst, extending the same grace to others that we have been freely given no matter the cost. As we reflect on all the uncertainties we have faced, the disappointments of life, and the losses, if we can look back on our years and point to great growth, even if painful (and what growth really isn't), then we can look once again to each coming new year with hope and anticipation because our hope hasn't been placed in our circumstances or the belief that if our circumstances were to change all would be well, but our hope remains in Christ and in the fact that through it all, it is HE who remains faithful, steady, present, behind us, beside us, and in front of us. Look ahead with great HOPE because you can look behind and see where He has loved you enough NOT to allow you to get too comfortable or to stagnate. And if you have been too comfortable, maybe it is time to pray that God would do whatever it takes to rock your world so you can know more of Him and His surpassing greatness in the year to come.
Just One Request
Dear Master for this coming year
Just one request I bring:
I do not pray for happiness,
I do not ask to understand
the way Thou leadest me,
But this I ask: Teach me to do
The thing that pleaseth Thee
I want to know Thy guiding voice,
To walk with Thee each day.
Dear Master make me swift to hear
And ready to obey.
And thus the year I now begin
A happy year will be -
If I am seeking just to do
The thing that pleaseth Thee.
Author Unknown
UPDATE 2016...My heart, even now three years later, continues to experience His overflow of grace in increasingly greater and deeper ways. More trials, more discomfort, and yet...MORE GRACE...MUCH MORE GRACE! The road to greater intimacy with Him is definitely the road less traveled. As we travel, let us remind ourselves of these cherished lyrics...
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face...and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace!"
